Mary Long is a hypocrite.

She does all the things that she tells us not to do.

Selling filth from a corner shop,

And knitting patterns to the high street queue.

She paints roses, even makes them smell good,

And then she draws titties on the karzy wall.

She drowns kittens just to get a thrill and writes

Sermons in the Sunday chronicle.

Mary told Johnny not to write such trash

And said it was a waste of public money.

She made a fuss they made apologies,

But everybody thought the show was funny.

When the nation knew you'd had children,

It came as such a surprise

We really didn't know you'd had it in you,

How you did it we can only surmise.

Mary Long you're not alone,

But you're a long way behind the times.

What we do in full frontal view

Is more honest than your cleaned up mind

What I'm saying Mary Long is,

If you can spare a minute;

Go find your friend the porny lord

Dig yourself a hole and jump in it.