So I was in uh... Whole Foods the other day

And uhm... and you know how Whole Foods has its own line

Of uhm... you know... eco-friendly, planet-friendly products?

365, and I was in the houseware section

And next to their product is another product

That's even eco-ier and friendlier than that stuff

With the worst name I've ever heard for a company

And it's called "If You Care"

If you... Fuck you, Saran Wrap

Fuck you, Saran Wrap, if I care

I don't need to be made to feel guilty

I'm already in Whole Foods, I'm already there doing that

Now I gotta feel shitty because I'm not getting your Saran Wrap?

Fuck it

I didn't know it was possible for an inanimate object to be Jewish

But apparently, Saran-

I mean, the logo should just be a disappointed rabbi, you know to-

Yeah, okay, yeah

No, I mean, you don't have to get it

But you know if you can, you'd get it

But you don't care, so that's fine

No, it's all right

No, God forbid you spend an extra 17 cents

To help the planet and save your children

And your children's children

No, you go and save the 17 cents

I'm sure you'll spend it on something very, very important

Okay

No, I don't

You don't have to get it

Just if you can, you'd get it, but you don't

So that's it

I mean, you know, I can't make you get it

It's not Nazi Germany

You know, not yet with that attitude but

If You Care